Self-Authority; Self-Authorship
You write your story.
In military and tactical communications, "Actual" is a call sign that signifies authority.
When a radio operator sends a message, they might speak on behalf of a unit's leader. But when the commanding officer themselves takes the microphone, they identify as "Actual" to make it clear the decision-maker is speaking.
I hadn't had much in the way of personal experience with this frame of "Actual" — outside of some number of movies and TV shows (Battlestar Galactica was wild).
Beloved family members of recent generations and other ancestors of mine have had key every-day, unusual, and/or celebrated roles in military contexts. My personal connections to their lives and experiences have been profound for me.
But those familial connections became much more profound when I realized that my colleagues and I in the present day, at intersections of extreme hardship, violence, and disablement, were navigating wartime conditions without the express acknowledgement or protection of any regional governing body, official military, or trained service.
My own dialogues with the energies of my ancestors… and the ways I've had to call them in to aid me in meeting the challenges of my present life-time… have built much more structure and capacity into my understanding of self-leadership, shared and consensual leadership, and how we survive life-and-death confrontations.
By ourselves, yes, when necessary.
And also together.
That "together" part isn't only about having others to coordinate response with.
That "together" part is also you, on your own, meeting a challenge in your whole living body without any external support — except the support of your ancestors, lucky angels, and higher powers.
All the parts of you… coming together in coherence… to do what must be done.
Especially when one is on one's own in that way, the component that is Actual begins to take on a particularly powerful level of importance.
Who is in charge of this body, its thoughts and processes?
Who most directly influences the actions this body may take?
Who is "writing" the story this body experiences?
Who decides what happens on the next page?
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Well stated!
yes, I see this aspect of being at war with no leaders, no team and no access to resources with weaponization of relationships such that opposition and defensiveness control the field and only allow for minimal connection, support and the kind of nurture we need in our bodies when we're feeling vulnerable and exposed. that has been an incredible motivator to create the soft warm nest of love to operate out of that I didn't experience as a child.
I love the questions! and they gave rise to another, " who or what in the external to do I abdicate my self responsibility to and under what conditions does that self abandonment arise?